Marriage and Devotion
We are in a series on the family. I like to teach regularly on the topic of family because it is such a big part of where we live. We all have family. Our highest highs and lowest lows will be with our family.
There is also a lot of confusion on this topic. The basic elements of society are being challenged today. If we are going to live for the Lord we need to know what his word says about this. Let me say this, no one was more confused about family than I was as a teen. I was lost and confused, and angry about it, and hearing what God’s word gave me direction and hope. That is my goal wherever you are today.
We are also calling this series family rules because we want to look at some basic principles we want to cultivate in our lives. Today we are going to look at God’s design for marriage. It is the basic building block for families. We will see a key element of marriage is devotion. Devotion entails commitment and sacrifice. Don’t hear much about devotion today. You hear more about being authentic. Devotion is lost today because people are lost on what marriage is.
What is marriage? People will define it in different ways.
- A union between persons that is recognized by custom or religious tradition as a marriage.
- an intimate or close union
- Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is often cut short by separation or divorce.
In conversations with people over the years, it has become clear to me that there are many different views of marriage, little more than a business contract, a tax benefit, or a necessary evil. If we are going to honor the Lord, we need to understand his purpose and plan for marriage, and that is what we are going to do today.
How would you define marriage? How would you define a biblical view? We are going to look at __ key elements of marriage from this passage of Scripture.
Marriage is the joining of a man and woman in a lifelong devotion to each other and to the Lord.
- God’s Design for Companionship
This passage takes us back to creation. If you want to understand how something works, understand what it was created for. Go back to the instruction manual written by its creators.
[18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
This is the first time in all of creation that it says something was not good. God created the heavens, the skies, stars, animals, oceans and saw all and said it was good. But here there is something not good. God has a plan for the man and it is not yet realized. He created people to be in relationship with him, but they are also to have relational needs that can only be met by the other. He people to multiply and have dominion, but they cannot do that apart from a relationship with each other.
Most people have a longing to be in a close relationship with another person. God has designed marriage to be the context of such a relationship. It is a relationship in which mutual needs are met and distinctive gifts are used for the benefit and blessing of each. God designed marriage to be the means through which many relational, vocational, and spiritual needs are met.
It will not meet all those needs because if it did we would not need God in our lives. Marriage is designed to meet a creational need. But people are also to be in relationship with God. Male, female, marriage are important, but not as important as the first step of being the image of God. We are to look to God and reflect him in all we do.
God commands the people how they are to live and the people are to follow him, for their own good.
[26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.
God creates people in his image. He then creates them male and female. Being male and female is one of the most basic aspects of being human. It doesn’t define male or female for us, and I think it’s because it assumes we will know the difference. Children see this very clearly. It’s only by “education” that they see differently.
But the first thing for people is they are created in the image of God. He is the one they look to for meaning and understanding in all of life. This is the foundation of all we believe. Marriage stands on this foundation.
God creates them equal in status but gifts them uniquely. They are both created in his image, are to look to God and are to reflect God. They will share this duty, but they will also reflect it uniquely. Most evident in the bearing of children.
And this equality and distinction reflect God. Our image. Trinitarian: Father, Son and Spirit. They are fully God and yet distinct persons. They have different roles in the Godhead. The Son will not say to the Father no fair. There is an interdependent personal relation. From eternity God is community, he is love. God created us to be in relationship with him, and also with other people.
Devotion to the Lord first. Devotion to the person second.
- Equal and Distinct Devotion
Let me say something controversial and as true as the sky being blue. Men and women are different. And only through a man and woman can children be had.
I realize it is not acceptable to talk about men and women being different, and even more so to say that men and women have certain genetic or ontological distinctions. Such an effort to say there are no distinctions.
Culture is confused on equality with distinction. I believe you can only hold these different aspects of equality and distinction together in a Christian worldview, and for this reason a Christian worldview will push back against a secular worldview.
He makes a helper for Adam.
Helper: The term means “help” (ezer) in the sense of aid and support (Deut 33:7; Josh 1:14; Isa 30:5; Dan 11:34) and is used of the Lord’s aiding his people in the face of enemies (Pss 20:2; 121:1–2; 124:8). Moses spoke of God as his “helper” who delivered him from Pharaoh (Exod 18:4), and it is often associated with “shield” in describing God’s protective care of his people. It is used of physical and spiritual aid.
Suitable: Suitable (kenegdo) is often used of two facing each other, directly in front of, as though mirroring one another. Indicates a correspondence (and distinction) between the man and the woman. Man looked at all the animals and knew this would not work, it was not suitable. Right.
She is bone of my bone. Eshah for the esh. Poem of celebration. There is excitement when Adam sees her. Celebration and wonder for who she is.
Helper in his opposite. Physical. biological. Emotional. God also does not define what a woman is. But it is assumed we know the difference. I won’t try to define in any more specificity. Men and women are different biologically, science proves that. Different emotionally. And each woman is different from others. They are not the same.
Devotion to the husband. An orientation to him. He is not her everything, but there is a commitment and sacrifice.
God makes them similar (in his image), but each is unique. See that in the man and woman. Each is the image of God. Each is unique. And see it in other way.
There is a celebration of who she is. The man is immediately doting over her. Marriage, the gift of a helpmate, a best friend, jam in the jelly roll. It is an amazing expression of God’s grace. He is experiencing that here. In all the debate today, don’t lose the wonder of God’s grace in the spouse you have. Are there issues you need to work through? sure. But none is bigger than being happy in God and happy in who he brings.
Adam as Head. He is created first. In the Bible firstborns were given responsibility over others. God gives his word to Adam and he is to instruct his family. She is to come along side and help him.
Head is to provide, protect, . To be devoted to those under his care.
Adam finds a helper but it is a costly expense. A rib is removed.
It gives categories with out details.
God entrusts his commands to the man (2:16-17) with the implication he would lead his family in this, the man is first and in the OT there is a priority given to the first born, also after they sin it is the man as responsible who is addressed by God.
Headship: one who is responsible for the well being of the whole. God calls the man to lead and love his wife as his own body. Provide. Protect. Care for. Lead in knowing God’s word.
Its not the right to callously and cluelessly bark out orders. It is the privilege to provide, protect, and care for another.
[Eph 5:25 “Husbands love your wives just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.”
The man is to reflect God’s good rulership, protection, guidance, and nurturing. Just as his dominion is to reflect God and extend goodness of the world so also he is to do that with the woman. What could be more mistaken than for his own flesh and bone to be neglected and destroyed.
In the bible those who name others have authority over the one they name. There is a headship. But let me also say this, where there is authority there is also responsibility. There is care, there is interest, there is protection and provision, devotion. Jesus renamed Peter and Saul. It showed a new relationship with them where they are united to him, he is in authority over them and that he cares for them.
In the past centuries in the western world there has been a larger acceptance of a Christian worldview but it has also been distorted. Look at the Victorian age and suppression of women. You have to say that was not good. Tess of the D'urbervilles exposing the double standard for men and women. Christians have to say what was going on there was out of bounds. But we don’t want to fall off our bicycle to the right side, and over compensate so we fall of the left. We are called to hold a line that the world seeks to pull and push from us.
Amanda and I have differences. Car ride= Me record time. Her= we will have every accommodation imaginable (movies, snacks, trail mix, drinks, etc) but never get there. When in sync like a high performance bike shifting gears seamlessly. Not in sync. A kid standing next to his bike with the chain in a knot. Dancing.
Headship is not laying on the couch in your off time because you had a hard day. Rest for a bit. If you want companionship, help, it takes work and effort.
Comes with a cost. The man lost a rib and gained a helpmate. It cost him something. Marriage will cost you a great deal but what you get in return is infinitely more.
[That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. Adam lost a rib, and without any diminution to his strength or comeliness ; but in lieu thereof he had a help meet for him, which abundantly made up his loss:.. Henry
- Marriage is a Unique Devotion
[24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Marriage superceded the relationship of parents and children. This is the closeness most in depth relationship there is. It is physical, emotional, financial, spiritual. They become one.
Marriage involves leaving all others. It is not just another intimate relationship. It is exclusive devotion. You are the one for me. I'm not looking for this type of companionship in anyone else. You can’t have this with others.
Hold fast. Leave and Cleave: Cleave (dabaq) means to keep close to someone. Used of how God’s people are to hold fast to him (Deut 4:4). It carries the sense of clinging to someone in affection and loyalty. It also denotes the soldering of joints in armor.
The closeness of their leaving and cleaving is seen in that they are one flesh. They are united in such a deep, intimate, and all-consuming way that they are said to be one. They maintain differences but they are one.
“Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person.”
You rightfully make the other person a priority in your life. Not your job, parents, school, even kids. It’s not just another boyfriend. It requires forsaking others and clinging to your husband.
Also, in marriage, you have to fight for this priority.
-Forsake jobs for your spouse.
-Kids: Your kids will thrive most when your relationship thrives. Angry spouses don’t make good parents. Love envies. You will love your spouse more than anyone else. You will want more from them than anyone else. You will be disappointed more by them than anyone else.
Right now there is a move away from marriage. A move away from biblical marriage and it is cheapening what marriage is, and people are suffering for it. A relationship that costs very little, that says I'm just not willing to sacrifice for you, you are not that valuable. God views marriage as costly, and worth every penny. To have a friend by your side, for you, wont leave you, will look out for you.
United through Vows. How do we give ourselves to someone mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually? We do it through a pledge. Marriage is the covenanting, promise to another to love and support them and to do that exclusively, leaving all others behind. Why would you give yourself to someone who has not promised to be there for you. You see the foolishness of this! Cant even test drive a car without some proof of commitment, and people give themselves to others for nothing.
People bind themselves to others through vows, clear and explicit words of commitment. It is what makes marriage.
[“It is not your love that sustains marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
[24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
After the leaving and cleaving, they become one flesh. That oneness certainly entails physical, financial (joint checking), emotional, spiritual, and sexual. Don’t build your house upside down. Don’t unite sexually with one who has not promised to leave all others for you. Sex is a God given gift, designed for enjoyment and procreation, it is also an extremely intimate act that consumates the joining of a man and woman. Culture cheapens sex to be something much less. Gives you physical pleasure without trust, devotion or relationship. It disappoints, then disappointment, numbs you, and there becomes a callusing of your heart and very self. You are driven by fear, selfishness rather than a joy and glory of God. You are giving yourself in extreme vulnerability to someone who will not be there for you, and you will feel that loss at some point.
If we ended here we would have a nice moralistic law to follow, but the Bible is so much more than that. Christianity is a message of God redeeming the world, and he redeems marriage.
- Marriage in Light of God’s Devotion
Do you know God gives us marriage as a gift, but it is also something he uses to help us understand what he is doing in the world. In heaven there will be no giving and being married.
Our hope in this world is not in getting marriage just right. If it were we would have no hope. This passage ends beautifully. The end of this passage the man and woman are naked and unashamed. But in the very next chapter it all falls apart. There is sin, deceit, shame, hiding. Their kids grow up and one kills the other. God purpose for marriage will be trampled with impurity, divorce, rape, disappointment, polygamy and so much more.
The people God created for himself, end up turning from him. But he continues pursuing them. The Bible ends with a marriage. Lets look at that.
The Lord is devoted and committed to his people and the purpose he has for them.
[I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. Rev 21:2
The bride is the church, the people God has redeemed. It is a church without spot or wrinkly, not because they are perfect but because they have been cleansed by the blood of the lamb.
[what God takes away from his people he will, one way or other, restore with advantage. In this (as in many other things) Adam was a figure of him that was to come; for out of the side of Christ, the second Adam, his spouse the church was formed, when he slept the sleep, the deep sleep, of death upon the cross, in order to which his side was opened, and there came out blood and water, blood to purchase his church and water to purify it to himself. Matthew Henry
The Bible is a story of God pursuing his bride. He rejoices over his people. Those he pursued for relationship and turned from him, he continues after. He redeems them, calls them back to himself. And the new heavens and new earth feature a renewed relationship with him. This is our hope for marriage.
For us to experience that requires us leaving the things of the world and clinging to him. You cant love the world and God. If you love the world you will lose everything. If you love God you get him and you also find the joy that the world does provide. But if you put everything on the joy the world promises it cannot sustain you. So living for God means coming to a point that you renouce everything else. Its not a bout doing better. Its about surrendering. Its about uniting yourself to God, not just to get the job or promotion but because you know he is who you were made for.
We receive his love and make a vow to love and follow him in return. It is the gift of repentance. The gift of faith. This
Marriage is a gift of companionship, by one man and woman, implemented through vows to leave all other and cleave to one another in a lifelong devotion, that reflects the devotion God has to his people.
