Oh Come, Let Us Love
1 Cor 13:4-8
Advent starts today, so we are kicking off a Christmas series called Oh Come, Let us love one another. We are going to look at the life that Christ makes possible. Our society is so divided, anxious, and discouraging, and everyone wants more love, peace, humility, and encouragement. We all want more of these, but they ultimately come from Christ.
And if you are wondering what happened to our revelation series, we will finish it up next week as we talk about the advent theme of hope for Christmas. I didn’t want to end Revelation on a holiday weekend.
We are talking about love today. Nothing like a few days with family to make you feel your need to grow in loving others, right. All caught up on people’s procedures. One of our kids learned what a colonoscopy is. I mean it’s not wrong to have people tell you that. I just don’t recommend it being the first thing. It’s great to get caught up on people’s politics. Makes you glad your relatives aren’t in office. Things are bad now, but it could be worse.
All kidding aside, family is a gift, and we want to honor God in those relationships. The problem is that when we spend long periods of time with people it’s hard to hide our flaws or overlook theirs. It’s hard to hide your selfishness, and impatience. Key problem is we are also well conditioned to living life in isolation where people cannot interfere with our schedules and preferences, and are simply less tolerant and resilient to those who interfere with our wishes and preferences. Our lack of social conditioning leaves us as unprepared for relationships as running a marathon the day after Thanksgiving.
We need to reclaim the place of love, and not just any concept of love but the Christian view of love. Love is a basic element of life, the principle duty given by God to us for community; we should love our neighbor as ourself, and yet the average person has probably spent more time learning how to configure their latest app than how to love. It’s no wonder we are all lonely and isolated. We don’t know how to care for people. Where have you been outside of church that offered a class on how to love?? Work? College? No one talks about it. Everyone wants love. Only in the church does it find a place and only in Jesus Christ do we find it in its fullest and clearest expression.
Let me say this as we begin. Love is an essential part of life. It is arguably the most coveted thing a person longs for. People want to be loved and to love. But don’t know where to find.
You are looking at arguably the greatest teaching on love that can be found anywhere in human society. And yes it comes from the Bible. In a culture that belittles the Christian faith so much, you once again have the greatest teaching on a topic vital for life come to you from the Christian scriptures with a direct connection to Jesus Christ. I say that because the echo chamber of this world is that faith doesn’t matter, Christianity isn’t true, and you are a fool to follow it. And yet that culture is lost on how to provide one of the most basic human desires. In Christ our greatest needs are met in the most amazing supernatural and also reasonable way. At some point you have to see these things and realize the world is confused and hard hearted toward God.
- Love is an elevated concern for the well being of others over the self.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
Love is defined by: affectionate regard or benevolence toward another. It is a deep seated care. You might define love with a moral aspect such as a sustained commitment to seek the good of another. Or emotional as a deep bond marked by affection, attachment, and connection. But either way it is about how you treat others.
The essence of love is self sacrifice.
Love involves elevating others above yourself. I know this seems obvious right. But it needs to be said. The problem with loving is it involves other people, and that means you don’t get what you want. When we first got married, and someone asked what we were doing on Saturday, and Amanda would start saying crazy things like we are going to go shopping, or watch a Jane Austen movie. I would hear that and say man she is so funny. Everybody knows the big game is on. What’s she talking about? There are more desires than time means there needs to be sacrifices. Those decisions became an opportunity, a pressure cooker, for us to figure out how we would love one another.
How would we seek the wellbeing of the other and still acknowledge that there are things meaningful to each of us that we want the other to see?
We elevate others by being patient with them. Patience. Why is patience connected to love? If you only care about people for what they can do for you, then you are going to be unloving when they are not operating on your terms. When they are not on your schedule or your agenda.
Try loving a young child. They don’t get that you are late for something or that you have other things planned for the day.
Patient means not easily angered. We often love people because of what they can do for us.
Love is demonstrated by putting others above ourselves. What we are willing to give up for the other person. Ways for me to say I care more about you than myself.
Opposite of that is seeking your own way. We see things here on this list like love does not insist on its own way. Literally love does not “seek its own/self.” It seeks the good of others.
Does not insist on its own way. Can I do something that might make you cringe. I want to go back to 2020 and talk about covid. We need a good covid illustration. Let’s talk about masks! Lol
I know there were different perspectives on this. Just say your perspective is scientifically proven. You may want to help them understand the truth of that perspective. This is a debatable issues, where Scripture does not speak to it directly, so we say there is freedom. It is not on par with thou shalt not kill.
But one of the things that happened is people’s position began to be labeled as “this is love.” Therefore, if you want to love others you will do that. It began to be insisted upon, even churches began to say, if you love others you will do this. But there were people who were on the other side and doing that to them did not come across as love. Love does not insist on its own way. Parents, you may know what is right for your kids. But sometimes you need to meet them where they are at.
Sometimes people need you to meet them where they are at. My wife loves to open presents. The funny thing is that she doesn’t really care what is inside. You can wrap up a pair of socks and she is happy. The excitement of a present, of not knowing what is in it. For her birthday I better have something wrapped up. On my birthday, I have opened packages to find socks and I’m like what is this? That is not how I feel love.
In an argument with your spouse. Ask yourself this. What does my spouse need from me and why? Too often you are insisting on things being a certain way and you are oblivious to their needs. Been so focused on yourself you haven’t seen it or their cries for help. What do they need and why? NOt why you think they need it, but what is their reason. Elevate your understanding of them.
Not self seeking. So if you want to love others elevate their importance in your life and seek after them.
It takes intentional effort to elevate another person. When Amanda and I got engaged one of the best pieces of advice I got was being told to study my wife. Figure her out. It is the hardest subject there is. Sometimes she doesn’t even know what she needs. But its one of the best things i get to do. Study her. Just like physics class. It takes effort. It takes work to do that. Doesnt happen by accident. Like 6 pack abs.
Are you a loving person? Do you take interest in others or are you focused on yourself? What are you doing to elevate others in your life? Teens, how can you love your mom and dad? What do they need or want from you that would show them you love them? Have you even considered it? If you want to bless them then go show them love. See what they need and do it or provide it. How about with your siblings. Parents, what do your kids need from you? And don’t wait until they deserve it to show them love, and patience and kindness. They will never deserve it.
The reason we don’t do this is because we are too focused on ourselves. One of the problems that I have been hearing more and more over the last 10-15 years is diagnosis of NPD.
We feed ourselves a steady diet of whatever makes you happy, you can be whatever you want. And this leads us to an expectation that you can do whatever you want, act however you want, and people are simply supposed to love you. This is the recipe for Narcisstic self love.
The word “narcissist” comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a young man renowned for his extraordinary beauty. According to the story, Narcissus was so handsome that people fell in love with him instantly, but he showed no interest in anyone but himself. In one version of the Greek myth a lady falls deeply in love with him but he cruelly rejects her. He is then riding his electric scooter when he looks at his phone and sees how incredible he looks and he becomes so self absorbed with his social media he forgets everyone else around him. Unable to leave he eventually wastes away and dies alone beside his phone.
we use the word “narcissist” casually, but beneath the pop-culture label is a real pattern of the heart that Scripture speaks to. Narcissism at its core is a life curved inward—an inflated sense of self-importance, a craving for admiration, a difficulty seeing the needs of others, and a tendency to use relationships rather than serve within them. It’s a heart that must be praised, cannot be corrected, and constantly measures itself against other people. And while only professionals diagnose disorders, all of us can recognize the seeds of this in our own hearts. We all know what it is to insist on our own way, to defend our image, to protect our ego, and to make life about ourselves. Narcissism is simply the human heart unrestrained.
1 Corinthians 13 is not just a poetic passage for weddings—it is God’s antidote to the self-absorbed heart. Every phrase Paul writes undercuts the very roots of narcissism.
-“Love is patient, love is kind”—it turns the gaze outward.
-“It does not boast, it is not proud”—it replaces self-exaltation with humility.
-“It does not seek its own”—it moves us from using people to blessing them.
-“Love keeps no record of wrongs”—it cultivates empathy, forgiveness, and emotional stability.
Where narcissism isolates, love reconciles. Where narcissism demands, love serves. Where narcissism manipulates, love frees. This is the love Christ gives us—and the love He forms in us—so that our lives no longer curve inward, but outward, for the good of others and the glory of God.
- Love is not proven by a lack of obstacles but an overcoming of them.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.
Let me say this, if you want to have deep and long lasting relationships, then you are going to have to overcome relational obstacles: offenses, arguments, differences, being misunderstood and misunderstanding. Iron sharpens iron– sharpening happens through friction.thought I was a loving person until I got married and had kids. My flaws were exposed, and those jagged edges have been painfully smoothed down. One argument at a time.
Love endures. Steadfastness.
Love Never Ends. How are you doing loving others? Who have you stopped talking to? Is there any one that you have had a break in your relationship with. Anyone you don’t even want to see? Anyone you don’t want to talk to? If so then that is a person you have stopped loving.
Yes, some things may be outside of your control. To have a relationship takes two. Sometimes when people don’t acknowledge the hurt they have caused it makes it hard to restore a relationship. But regardless of that you are to love them, and that means convey love to them. Even if you dont have a relationship with them you are still called to love them.
Your standard in loving others is not how they have treated you, but how Jesus has loved you. That is the example. Take your case to Jesus. They were mean to me. They were mean to me as well. They rediculed me. They were mean even after I helped them so much.
He might need to remind you he died for those he came to save, he died for those who rejected him, and he continues to bear graciously with you in all your times of not getting it.
Are you a follower of Christ? Then follow him in loving others. He never said it would be easy. He never said it wouldn’t be humbling. He never said
Bears all things. Let me say we should show love to everyone. But those whom God has put closer, like family or deer friends, rightly deserve a different expression of love than the guy who cuts me off in traffic. Three circles of life are the family, the church, and the society. We love people differently in those areas and you will need to do some homework on how you love those differently in those spheres. You will certainly bear with your spouse more than those in the workplace. Bear with your church family differently too.
Some say this passage should not be followed because bearing with others, love never failing, sets one up for abuse. Two things to that: first, it also says to love by rejoicing in truth, certainly means we dont lie but it also compels us to confront people for sin and seek justice because justice leads to redemption. Second, don’t neglect to allow the whole weight of scripture to inform your understanding of love. There are complex issues where at times you may need to love someone and take a stand against them. You may need to call the authorities and allow God’s servant to do good (Rom 13). Absolutely the case!
But we need to make sure we don’t allow those worst case scenarios keep us from owning responsibility in the every day scenarios. If everything is a major offense that cannot be overlooked then there is something wrong with us.
I saw an article in Psychology Today that listed out the biggest reasons people stop loving. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202210/3-main-reasons-why-people-fall-out-of-love
The second biggest reason was not managing toxic thoughts. Not believing the best about people. The biggest reason was no longer feeling appreciated.
“No longer feeling appreciated, respected, or valued by their partner. Early in the relationship, it feels like love is unconditional, but as the infatuation stage inevitably cools, the tendency is to start taking each other for granted. the stressors of daily life get in the way of giving compliments, showing gratitude, or even acknowledging caring behaviors. As respect, attention, and kindness wane, so can feelings of love.
Its not that we can point to a big fallout, but rather it is a slow unmanaged deterioration of the relationship. Ignoring, holding on to grudges, not doing the hard work. Maybe its with family, maybe its your church family.
They stop working hard at loving. They stop pressing through the obstacles. The little ticky tack quibbles and differences add up. Those are things you have to work so hard to forgive and forget. They stop confessing sins and allow spiritual complacency consume them. Their sins and negligence are no big deal.
Elizabeth elliot. “A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”
- Love Looks to God’s Standard rather than one’s personal standard.
Paul is writing this letter to a church that had all kinds of divisions and factions. They were boasting about who baptized them. When you boast in yourself, you are elevating yourself and putting others down.
We are wired to be impressed with ourselves, or always believe we have done a good job, even if it is not the greatest job, we would seldom tell ourselves that we have done a poor job. We are great at creating a standard, and then assuming the best of ourselves, our thoughts and intentions, and our doings, and the worst of others. We judge ourselves based on our intention and others on their actions. One of the things with loving others is that we need a standard that is outside of ourselves. There are so many times in our marriage that when we are upset at each other, we point the problem not simply in personal preference but in the commission of sin and falling short not just of each other expectations but of God’s expectations. That means the problem was not just with her, but with me. Pride will resist that admission. Pride will say I didnt do anything wrong. Pride will say you see that speck in your eye, and it will ignore the beam in your own.
4…love does not envy or boast…
Love does not boast. We boast when we have done well. We boast when we are impressed with our accomplishment. We boast of ourselves and that means we look down on others. When you know God’s standard, and that everything you do is tainted, it’s hard to be so confident of yourself that you look down on others. Love allows you to rejoice and be grateful. But not bragging about yourself and your ability.
Love does not push its own standard. When we decide to love someone, we do the right thing but we can easily begin to boast in how well we have loved: We have loved well. They have not loved, and so we are mad at them. We can become self righteous, and if we are self righteous we become proud of our work, and so we need a motivation for love that does not also allow for self-righteousness.
The law functions to illuminate the way. Don’t kill– by golly I found a good way to live. Rest on the sabbath– there we go I need to rest built into my week. The law functions to illuminate. Here with love we see the way that we are to go. The law illuminates but once it illuminates it will convict, because we always fall short of it. We have all failed to love. And that is where the law points us to Christ and our need of a Savior. It is also there we see the ultimate expression of love.
Some people dont want to study this passage because it creates impossible standards. It absolutely does. God’s standard will humble us, it will utterly destroy our self-righteousness.
This is not to make you feel bad. It is to utterly crush you. Crush your hopes. You have not done this and cannot do it. And that allows you to see how you have been loved by God.
**This is not about the getting the do betters. It is about resting in the Savior**
It is about your need to fall into the arms of the one who has loved you. Not keep pushing away, not keep insisting on your own way. To hear what he has done for you and be changed by it. That you would love him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. That does not mean perfectly, but it is sincerely.
When you see your failures you begin to see how God loved you. You failed. You missed the mark. You rejected him, became disinterested in him, grew bored with him, didnt think worthwhile.
But he loved you and sent his Son to reclaim you. Bring you back. Show you the extent of his love.
Nobody has a problem adding a little Jesus to how you love. Be patient. Be kind. Do to others as you would have them do. But the greatness of the love of God cannot be understood until you realize we missed the mark, we were totally unloveable and Jesus came and died in our place, paid the debt of our misdeeds. His love persevered when ours failed. His love was patient when we were not. His humility overcame when our pride destroyed. His love redeemed us. It changes us. We see true love when we look to God. God is love, but God is invisible, so when he sends his Son into the world in the incarnation, the love of God is seen in its glory.
This is true love. Love that seeks the others good even at the expense
- How has Jesus shown you his incredible love this week?
- Who is someone that you need to communicate love to? What do you need to do for them this week?
- Where have you been unloving? Where have you done something wrong, intentionally, unintentionally, or simply by omission. You have not done what God calls you to do. I want to encourage you to go to that person and say you are sorry for what you have done? Own your part. Don’t take a jab at them. I m sorry I was mad at you for acting stupid. I’m sorry I got mad. I should have done that. Will you forgive me for that? You will be amazed at how things change. You will also put to death your pride which is the source of selfishness.
People gon people. Dont take it personal. Thats all they know to do. Dont let it change you. Dont let people people change you. Dont let it steal your glad. Dont let it rile you up. Dont let make do something you gon regret. Ask God to change you. Dont stay mad. Dont let it take your peace.
Lena Miles Byrd