The Blessing of Family

Genesis 18:18–19

18 seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? 19 For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.

Today we are talking about family. If you don’t know, there has been a significant change in family over the last fifty years. There are a lot of ways you can see this cultural pull. One way to see it is by looking at popular TV shows over the years.

• Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963) [Image 1]: Their family was pretty straightforward. You had Ward Cleaver, the wise and faithful father; June, the loving stay-at-home mom; two fairly responsible and respectful boys; a modest house; a dog; and the biggest crisis in the world was whether Beaver was going to get in trouble before dinner.

• 1980s Television [Image 2, Image 3]: If you grew up in the 1980s, you might think of The Cosby Show or Family Ties. Now both mom and dad have careers, the kids have opinions about everything, and apparently every family owns a living room large enough for six people to sit around and have a philosophical discussion. The family was still intact, but the roles were changing. Dad wasn't the unquestioned authority, mom wasn't necessarily at home, and the kids were becoming increasingly convinced that they knew more than their parents.

• Seinfeld (1990s) [Image 4]: Then you get to the 1990s and Seinfeld. Now the family has moved into the background. Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer are all adults—none married, no children, and not even interested in building a family. The parents show up from time to time, primarily to create more problems and frustration. Family is not at the center and not even a goal.

• Modern Family [Image 5]: The title tells you something: "Modern Family." Now you have blended families, stepfamilies, same-sex couples, adopted children, divorced parents, and a grandfather married to a woman younger than his adult children. The traditional nuclear family is not the assumed model. Family is still important—but the definition of family has become much broader and more fluid, and people are not conforming to a model but doing what works for them.

So which of these is right, and which should we aspire to be like? All of these families have something that we should appreciate, but they all also fall short of God’s standard. Family is needed and dear, but it is broken, and the push toward individualism is deteriorating our families.

God has a purpose and structure for the family, and his purpose should guide and enrich our aspirations for family.

Let’s look at three points that define family.

1. Family Is to Form Faith

Family imparts many things to a person. It's where one first learns and experiences love and care from a mother and father. You learn responsibility: take out the trash, feed the dog. You learn consequences: touch the burner and you get burned; hit your brother and you get hit back! You learn authority: obey your parents. Family is vital to these things, but God calls us to more than this.

The chief thing that is to define a Christian family is the formation of faith around the Word of God. And this is something that all those television shows fail to do. As wholesome as Leave It to Beaver may seem, faith is mainly in the background. Look at what God tells Abraham here.

People have said family is the basic unit of a nation. Strong nations have strong families. It should not surprise us that as families weaken, so too does our nation.

The nuclear family is considered an institution because it is more than a collection of individuals who happen to live together. An institution is an established social structure with a defined purpose, roles, and responsibilities. The family has all of those, and the purpose is to know God’s commands and keep the way of righteousness. God is to be at the center of the family.

Genesis 18:19: "For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him."

• "To keep the way of the LORD" — The "way" is a reference to the whole course of life lived in a covenant relationship with God (Merrill in Waltke, p. 269). It's not just facts about God; it's knowing how to honor him.

• "By doing righteousness and justice" — This wasn't merely intellectual instruction; Abraham was to cultivate a life of obedience. They were to be in the family and actually obeying the commands of God.

Abraham is to do this with his children and his entire household. Household refers to a physical place and includes all who are there: children, wife, servants, extended family, and perhaps the needy and broken in society (like orphans and widows) to whom they might give shelter. This is where some folks in the Bible look more like Modern Family, as they deal with significant brokenness and social distinctions even in their own household. It's messy, but it's God’s design.

Formation of faith is key to families. This is central, and you can't outsource what is your responsibility. Is it good to send kids to a school, church, or community where they learn about the Lord? Yes, absolutely. Does that mean that because Abraham put his kids in a Christian school he doesn't need to do anything else? No. It's meant to be part of the family.

Read the Bible and talk about it as a family or with your close friends. It's hard. You decide to read the Bible and kids start getting hurt, phone calls start coming, and everyone gets hungry. The demons come out! And that is before you actually start reading and talking about it. One person is sharing their heart while another is doing a headstand on the fireplace hearth. But to pray together, to share your burdens, and for parents to let their kids into their lives and how they are handling things—in ways appropriate to their role and stage in life—is vital.

Christians talk about the Lord and their walk with him. They are open about their needs and desirous to know the needs of others. If you are not experiencing this, then you need to evaluate if you are even following Jesus. Families should do this too.

Fellowshiping about our relationship with God is the deepest level of human relationship. We start talking about our fears, hopes, dreams, sharing our burdens, and our confusion. That is rich. This is what believers are to experience with one another, and we get to bring that into our families. When people are seeking spiritual formation, this happens, and it is what enriches the whole family. It is a blessing to experience and pass on.

This is why we prioritize church as families. Strong people, strong families, strong churches, and strong societies all go together. Church is harder with kids, but it's not as hard as your life is without church. You need the gospel. You can't be faithful to God without being faithful to the church. Your kids need the gospel. They need God in their lives. They experience that here. Bring others into what is important to you.

2. The Family Is to Be Structured

Institutions have structure. They have leadership. That is true of the family as well. Here God charges Abraham to command his family to honor him.

Genesis 18:19a: "For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD..."

Abraham is to command his children and his household. He is to be in charge—command, order, tell, instruct, give direction, decree; i.e., state with authority what others must do.

What is the relationship between Abraham and his family? What right does he have to command his children? That sounds authoritarian. That sounds sexist, and that sounds patriarchal. That's bad, right?

Headship is a word that has been used to describe this. At first, it might seem to emphasize authority. The head of an institution leads that organization and holds people accountable. But there is also responsibility, unity, connection, and care. I care about my head, and my head sure does care about the rest of my body. To injure the body is detrimental to my head—it knows better!

Abraham is to teach his children. It's not the children teaching him. God has called him to this role. Parents, God has given you the task to raise your kids. Your experience should count for something, but you are also called to know God and his Word.

Abraham is the head of his family. He is to lead them in knowing the Lord. This is not the first time that concept is mentioned. In the Garden of Eden, God spoke to Adam and gave him his commands. Adam was the one who was to teach the commands to his wife. Both were responsible for the command, but Adam bore the primary responsibility to care for his wife.

When they both disobeyed and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, God came to question Adam. Sadly, Adam replied, "The woman you gave me did it." That is a shirking of responsibility. Apparently, he didn’t read Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink!

God called each of these men to be a spiritual head in their families. He gave them responsibility to care for, protect, and guide them. Adam failed to do what God said. He did not prioritize God’s Word, so he and his wife fell into sin. That brought pain, hardship, shame, and distance from God. Their lives were complicated because of their disobedience to God. The first murder involved one of their sons killing the other. That's tragic!

Adam's failure does not destroy God's creational design for the family. God designed men to lead their families and be the head of the home. God’s law exposes Adam’s failure.

It is interesting today that people will both minimize the role of a father and blame their problems on the absence or neglect of a father. People have a lot of struggles today because fathers failed. And you can’t fault men if they do not have a responsibility for the family—but Scripture says they do. Scripture calls men to lead, provide, care for, guide, know, and protect their households.

Where you feel the effects of an unfaithful father, it exposes the real hurt that comes from that failure. Neglecting to show you love, care, protection, and provision was their failure before God.

Fathers are called to be heads of their families: they are to take responsibility for their kids and marriages. They are to protect and provide for their physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. It’s not just giving them lunch money and a phone; it is being present, and present to apply God’s Word in their lives.

How are you leading your family in God’s Word? Have you done it in the last month?

Men, aspire to honor God by leading, caring for, and protecting your families and the people around you. Ladies, aspire to honor the Lord by helping others do this. Let that shape what you are looking for in a spouse.

Marriage, family, and headship are designed by God. When they fall apart, it doesn't mean there is a problem with the design. When families break down, it doesn't mean the family structure should be done away with; rather, it should be redeemed. It is good, and when distorted, we want to see it restored. This gives us a lens to see all other institutions God has created: redeemed rather than destroyed.

If you had a bad father, it doesn't mean you seek to remove fathers from other families. It means you want to see fatherhood redeemed. Don't squash the role of a father because one person failed at it. Redeem it. This goes for other institutions like marriage, family, church, school, etc. We live in a time when people see the shortcomings of institutions and want to get rid of them. We don't do that with things God has created. We give of ourselves to see them thrive.

Let me say this in regard to headship: Godly headship is not barking down from Sinai and telling everyone else what they need to do. That is often the cynic's view of headship. Now, there are times to lead, exhort, and challenge—that is one side. But the other side is to know and to care.

In verse 19, when it says God chose Abraham, the word used means God knew Abraham. He saw him, was aware of him, cared for him, and had a plan for him. Abraham can know others because God is his head and God knows him. It's the shepherd who knows his sheep, the sheep know the shepherd's voice, and they love him and know he loves them (John 10).

It's the way of Jesus, who demonstrates his headship not by coming to be served, but to serve and to lay down his life as a ransom for others. That is the sacrificial commitment to a spouse that a head is to have. That relationship is the foundational block upon which kids are raised and thrive.

Godly headship should be encouraged and followed. Wives, encourage your husbands. Children, encourage your dads to lead you spiritually. Everyone should seek after the Lord and his ways.

As Matthew Henry wrote:

"The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved."

This stands in stark contrast to patriarchal families that are abusive to wives. Jesus loved the church and gave himself up for her. That is the example for husbands: to love as Jesus loved. That means the institution of the family is centered on the love, grace, and sacrifice of Jesus.

Cultural Attacks on the Family

If the family is God’s design, it should not surprise you that it is under attack. There is a political movement that explicitly seeks to dismantle it.

Shulamith Firestone was a radical feminist writer and activist who argued in 1970 that traditional family structures and biological roles were central to women's oppression. She called for:

"...the end of class distinctions. Not just the elimination of male privilege but of sex distinctions. The reproduction of the species by one sex for the benefit of both would be replaced by artificial reproduction: children born to both sexes equally or independently of either, however one chooses to look at it; the dependence of the child on the mother (and vice versa) would give way to a greatly shortened dependence on a small group of others in general, and any remaining inferiority to adults in physical health would be compensated for culturally. The division of labor would be ended by the elimination of labor altogether. The tyranny of the biological family would be broken." — Shulamith Firestone (quoted in Carl Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self, p. 261)

"Tyranny of the biological family?" Is being loved and cared for tyranny? Sacrifice demonstrates love. She wants Christianity thrown out and sex redefined. What does that leave you with? A person with no father and no mother, free to do whatever they want whenever they want. You get to spend Thanksgiving not with mom or dad, but with a "small group of others on whom you had a shortened dependence." How heartwarming! You get life without the bonds of love.

This is the worldview's solution to the nuclear family—throwing the baby out with the bathwater. This is the cultural air we are breathing. People who want to eliminate Christianity often want to destroy the nuclear family.

What better way to disrupt the plan of God than to destroy the family? What better way to destroy the family unit than to attack its heads—either by making them dominate their family or confusing them so deeply that they don't even know if they are a man or a woman?

The Greater Ramifications of Headship

Headship is important to the family, but it also has greater ramifications in God’s plan for the world. This is where we find hope.

Theologians call Adam our Federal Head. "Federal" means that one person represents a larger group. What the representative does affects the people he represents. Think about a president: his decisions have consequences for millions of people. Similarly, Adam represented humanity. When Adam sinned, his sin and its consequences came to us.

In Adam's disobedience, we all became sinners, and death entered the human story, bringing a world marked by hardship, enmity, sickness, suffering, and death. If you're thinking, "That's not fair; I wouldn't have done what Adam did," let me remind you: you have, and so have I. We don't just inherit Adam's guilt; we demonstrate that we share his sinful nature every time we choose our own way over God's.

But here's where the gospel gets glorious: Adam's headship sets the stage for Christ's Federal Headship. What was lost through one man is restored through another:

• Adam disobeyed the Father; Jesus perfectly obeyed him.

• Adam's disobedience brought condemnation; Christ's obedience accomplished righteousness.

• Adam brought death; Christ brings life.

By faith, we are united to Christ. We are adopted into God's family, given a new inheritance, covered in Christ's righteousness, and brought under his gracious headship. Jesus is not only the one who saves us; he is the one we now belong to and follow.

Romans 5:17: "For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ."

The headship of Jesus is how you find salvation—and it is also the pattern for how you lead.

This is God’s design: that men and women who fall short would be redeemed through the work of a Savior. If you have failed in your role as a parent or spouse, turn to the Lord. Receive his abundant grace and free gift.

Seek after God’s design. Your success as a parent or spouse is not dependent on having Ward Cleaver as your father or husband. Your hope is that your heavenly Father knows you, cares for you, provides for you, and is calling you to follow him. Perhaps your family lacks a spiritual head—where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. God will provide for you.

Our family history does not have to determine our family’s future. We are defined by Christ. You can be redeemed, your family can be redeemed, and you can be an agent of redemption in the lives of others because of Jesus Christ, who is your head.

3. Family Is to Multiply Blessing

God designs his people to share his grace with others. We are to be conduits, not just containers. Containers hold things and remain stagnant—they do not let water flow out. Conduits deliver water to others. We are to flow outward and be a blessing to those around us.

A Christian family shouldn't become a holy huddle; it should become a blessing to the community.

Over the years, we have known many families. Many were great at developing their nuclear family with vacations, nice houses, or compounds, but often their focus was entirely on their own enjoyment, not God’s mission. The family itself became the mission. That is making an idol out of your family, and that is a failure.

Genesis 18:18: "...seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?"

The blessing of others is in view, and it is the natural overflow of Abraham’s faithfulness. That is the legacy to leave behind. Their walk with God is the greatest thing parents can pass on. It's not money or a house—it is knowing the way of the LORD.

Psalm 78:5–7 gives us this generational purpose:

"He commanded our fathers to teach their children, that the next generation might know them..."

Passing on the faith often happens in less-than-ideal settings. Abraham was called to walk with God and live faithfully in the midst of a wicked and depraved world.

Immediately after the Lord's instruction here, we read the account of Abraham interceding for Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham's neighbors were so wicked that God was going to destroy them. Yet God was faithful to Abraham's family in the midst of cultural debauchery, and he will be faithful to you.

Abraham is the one interceding for them. It's Abraham's prayer that holds back God’s judgment for a time. As families, let's make God known today.

Make Jesus known. Stand strong. Pray. Share. The winds of the world are blowing hard—stand against them. God is able to save us. Help others see the problems Jesus solves. Position yourself to need him. Don't play defense; play offense. Pray for God’s work. Talk about how to advance the gospel and see broken people healed. Make this something that excites and drives your family.

Prioritize financial giving to the Lord. How you spend your money reveals what is important to you. Abraham tithed to the Lord (Genesis 14:20); he was faithful to God.

Conclusion

Let’s give ourselves to know and honor the Lord, passing on the knowledge of God to others. This is the greatest thing we can do. It strengthens us, enriches our families, and builds up our communities.

We live in a time when we are constantly being told to rethink the family—to redefine it, restructure it, and decide for ourselves what family should look like. But as Christians, we don't begin with what our culture says family should be. We don't begin with what Hollywood presents to us. We begin with the God who created it.

God's design for the family is good. It is not meant to restrict our flourishing, but to produce it. Resist cultural redefinition. Seek to put him first in your life.

Discussion Questions

1. What stands out to you about God’s design and purpose for the family in Genesis 18:18–19? Why does God connect the family to knowing and following "the way of the LORD"?

2. Where are you most tempted to resist, neglect, or redefine God’s design for family? What would it look like to fully trust God’s design in that area?

3. How does Jesus' headship help us understand the institution of family? How does the gospel give hope in the face of our family’s brokenness, failures, and past?

4. How can your family become a means of blessing people who are far from Jesus? What is one practical way your family could intentionally make Jesus known or serve someone outside your family this week?