Proverbs 5
Today we are talking about sex.
I tried some ways to soften the title or to be a little less direct, but I just couldn’t do it. If you read Proverbs, you will come across a number of references to this topic. Here we see a whole chapter devoted to it. That tells you the importance of it. And it shows the importance of God’s word in defining how we think about sex, rather than thinking like the world.
I realize some may get nervous on this topic. Some may be surprised we are talking about it and be really intrigued. Some may be surprised and a little upset. I’m not going to be apologetic for talking about something Scripture does not apologize for talking about. Scripture lays this out very clearly.
I'm also not going to sensationalize the topic, or be crass in talking about it, or try to create a spectacle on it. Those things can make the topic awkward. The passage speaks of the issue with refreshing clarity, celebrating where it should be celebrated, warning where warnings need to be, and encouraging all to embrace God’s plan for them. I hope to do the same.
I realize there are people of a variety of ages and seasons of life in here, and I don’t think what I say today will be any more awkward than anything else we have talked about: money, faith in Christ, etc. And I am also jealous that more young people would hear more about the Bible’s teaching on sex than they hear of what is being taught in the world and in schools, etc.
Sex is a wonderful gift given by God to be enjoyed, but it can also be misused and lead to destruction.
The Forbidden
This passage begins with a plea for the son to hear his father’s instruction. It is interesting to ponder this. “My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding.” The father has something to say. It’s like he takes his son aside, puts his arm around him and says, I have something really important to tell you. He then says what is forbidden:
For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol (verses 3-5).
The Adulterous Woman/Strange Woman. Alienated, be a stranger, go astray, turned aside, pertaining to abandoning an association or relationship, be in a state of apostasy and rebellion. It is one who has turned away from what God commands.
Why the “forbidden woman?”
Do men have any responsibility in this? Yes, great question. It is interesting that the adulterous woman is the foe here. The man is to keep far from her. She is the personification of immorality. If you look at other parts of Proverbs you see something similar. Lady wisdom is the heroine throughout much of Proverbs. Wisdom is personified as a woman who calls, teaches, and guides.
The father figure warns against the “adulterous woman” (Proverbs 5–7) who entices the young man toward destruction, while urging him to embrace Wisdom—the righteous “woman.” This dual feminine imagery highlights the choice between folly and wisdom, each symbolized by a woman vying for the attention of those seeking direction.
This personification invites readers to form a relationship with Wisdom, not merely an intellectual assent. Adultery is personified here, just as wisdom is in other places, and it bids all people to consider their relationship with God’s ways.
Wisdom is the fear of the Lord. It means walking with God and pursuing him and his ways.
Let’s look at what this conveys about the forbidden. Sexual sin follows the same pattern of all sin. Sin promises one thing but delivers another. Satan always likes to show us the bait and hide the hook.
We watched a movie the other night. There was a scene in which people were in a small boat in a forbidden place. Suddenly one of the sailors sees a beautiful woman swimming in the water. It’s dark and the ominous music comes on. All of a sudden this beautiful face turns into a monster with teeth and she eats the guy. Ulysses in the Odyssey.
When you see stuff on Instagram or social media, know this–it may look like honey, but it will cut like a sword. Don't give in to it. None of the people you see on there care about you.
The adulterous woman is contrasted with “the wife of your youth” in v 18.
Let me speak to that. Amanda and I go out to eat and people ask, “Is this your partner”? No, it’s my wife; we are committed.
Let’s just get into the difference. A defining verse on the Christian view of marriage is Gen 2:24. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
Marriage is the term given for a covenant, a promise, a contract a man and woman make together. It is that they will leave all others and hold fast to each other. The two become one flesh. One flesh means a physical union, a sexual union, but we also see their oneness is physical, emotional, and spiritual.
This leaving and cleaving is based on a verbal profession or a vow. Promises were only good when they were made with witnesses, so it is a contract made between two people to always be together. It is after the vow that the two become one flesh. After vowing or promising, they have rights and benefits of the other. Those rights and privileges are foolish to share with anyone who is not willing to covenant with you.
Sex consummates a marriage.
To consummate means to complete. When you go to a car dealership to look at cars, you do not get to take that car home until you have paid for it. After agreeing to terms and conditions and paying them, you are then rewarded with the car. The same in marriage. Sex consummates the relationship. When there is commitment then sex can follow. It’s just as foolish to give yourself to someone sexually outside of marriage as it is to take a car without paying for it.
Sex requires and demands devotion, trust, oneness, and if it is not there on the front end, it is certainly going to be demanded on the backend. Each person will start to have expectations. Will start to make demands the other is not ready for. If you are not willing to commit yourself sacrificially to another then dont have sex with them because sex is going to cause them to want everything from you. Proverbs 5 is saying this is what happens. It will cost you everything you have.
Lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner (verses 9-10).
Don’t give your heart to one you don’t trust. Don’t take sexually from one if you are not willing to give them everything you have.
If they are not willing to stand up before others and make a commitment to do this then they are not interested in doing it. Bad things happen when you do this. It is foolish. Don’t believe me. Look at the world.
Shaquille O Neal. The great hall of fame basketball player is estimated to be worth about 500 million dollars. A few years ago he gave an interview, said he lived in a 76,000 square foot house, complete with basketball courts, and so much else and called it Disney World. Said he lives in it all by himself. Why? Because he got greedy. "I was just being greedy," he said plainly. "I had the perfect situation. My wife was finer than a mug, kept giving me babies, still finer than a mug. I had it all. I don't make excuses. I know I messed up." He gave himself to someone else and it demanded everything. It came with a cost.
There are other examples. History is full of them.
Actress Megan Fox, known for her risqué roles, outfits, and lifestyle released a book of poetry called Pretty Boys Are Poisonous, an image of the front cover depicts a mouth biting a snake. While reflecting on the healing process of writing, she explained that "These poems were written in an attempt to excise the illness that had taken root in me because of my silence… I've spent my entire life keeping the secrets of men, my body aches from carrying the weight of their sins."
Do you hear the pain in that? Ache. Loneliness. These are people testifying to giving their best to others, seeing another take their fill of your strength, giving what you have to a stranger, of hating the instruction of the Lord. It echoes the groaning, the aching, the regret that this chapter of Proverbs speaks to.
Proverbs repeatedly takes the mask off of things and shows you what is really underneath. Maybe not immediately, but certainly eventually. And the point here is that those who go after forbidden relationships suffer for it.
How about addictions to pornography? Access to the illicit is all around and it drives you into despair. When you give into sexual sins you will find your heart becoming harder and harder. Darker and darker. Perhaps going further down a path you never thought you would go down.
Well you hear that and wonder if there is a better way. Yes there is.
Keep your springs to yourself. Don’t let others drink your water. I just carried it all this way. I worked for it. I’m not going to just give it away. If we do that with water, how much more so with sex and sexuality?
The Celebrated
We start with the out-of-bounds, but if there is something out of bounds then there must be something in bounds. We come to sex in the marriage bed. It is how God intends. It is good. It is celebrated.
Let me say this. There are many who fall into the sins of licentiousness, that is taking license to do what ought not to be done. There are also those who fall into the sin of prudishness, and seek an excessive propriety that goes beyond what Scripture says. Such prudishness often propels people, not just away from sexual immorality, but from sex entirely. That is just as problematic as any sexual perversion. This proverb pulls us away from both licentiousness and prudishness.
There is a celebration of sex within the marriage. It is not just a legal code that permits it. The language is so much greater than that. There is a celebration of it. There is a beauty to this. There is one who has designed it.
This is important. The world gets this wrong. The world will belittle a biblical view of sex, saying you need to be more open minded. That argument for open mindedness is one of the easiest arguments to tear down. No one advocating for a position is truly open minded. They think your position is wrong. They are closed to certain things and simply trying to seem more noble in their socially acceptable argument. They are closed to one thing and open to another, but they have inverted what is forbidden and what is celebrated. They forbid a biblical conviction and celebrate promiscuity. The Bible forbids promiscuity and celebrates sex in marriage.
Sex is celebrated in the context of marriage.
It is good and a part of God’s creation.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love (verses 18, 19).
First of all this is a prayer. Let your, may your… he is petitioning God for this. To rejoice in the wife of his youth. He is talking about drinking water from his own cistern, his own fountain. He is talking about enjoying his wife throughout his life.
A lovely deer and graceful doe. These are poetic words of enjoyment and delight. There is love for his wife. He is praying for that. Amanda loves it when I compare her to livestock. Deer are lovely with their big brown eyes, their graceful walk. There is admiration and adoration for the other.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. That is the language of delight. There is a joy in seeing the other, receiving from the other, even of giving oneself to the other. Their love and affection is not something to be shy about. It is not something to be prudish about. There is a depth of relationship and a constancy in their affection.
Intoxicated. Staggering, swaying with love. Some are intoxicated by drinking too much. Some are intoxicated by having their fill of love. Rather than thinking of a man who is depressed and drowning his sorrows in a bar, think of a man who has the girl of his dreams and who is walking in delight. In the fullness of who she is and what he has. He is satisfied with her.
Filled with delight. fully experience, formally, drink to the fill, i.e., have an experience to a full extent, as a figurative extension of drinking a drink to satisfaction. Land after a rain.
There is a true joy in this. They are enthralled with each other. They are not concerned with others. There is no fear. There is no shame. **There is safety, confidence, commitment, trust, sacrifice and giving.** The world wants the euphoria without the sacrifice, the devotion. And the devotion and sacrifice are actually part of the euphoria.
Once again the fear of the Lord is the key.
When you fear others, when you are living for money, for yourself, those start to complicate everything else. Walking in wisdom frees you for the other. This does not come naturally. It is a person who is blessed by God and is guarding their thoughts, their ways, their walk with God.
Their love is a fountain, kept to themselves. Their love is protected from others. You don't need to Facebook this. Often those who have this have it because they protect it and are not trying to gain something from others through their relationship with each other. That is so destructive. Oftentimes people want to play the part rather than have the reality. The analogy implies that husband and wife fill and refresh each other, the one like a flowing stream and the other like a peaceful well.
Let me say this to bring others into it. Good marriages are a joy to many. This is a father praying for his son. You want to see your kids, grandkids thrive in what God has for them. You can print these verses and send them to your kids and say you are praying for them. Lol.
Let me say this to those who are married. This does not happen by accident. It is something you cultivate, build and work hard at. It’s not easy. It is walking with the Lord. Fearing him. Chasing away wrong thoughts and beliefs and selfishness.
Let me also say this to those who are single.
“Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 8:4). Know God’s intent and design, and guard your heart. Fan into flame your gift of singleness. Use it to the glory of God.
A way to sum up the Bible's teaching on sex is like comparing it to a fire. In the winter, we have a wood stove, and I love to have fires in the house. Fire is fantastic–in the stove. It is designed to be in there. But a fire in the kitchen is very different and very problematic.
Ask yourself this question, who would your life attract? Who would your Instagram or social media attract? Would they look and say there is a godly woman with a great mind? Would they say there is a faithful and caring man I can trust? Revealing images get attention. No mistake about that. Don't waste your time with someone you are not interested in. Don’t give your life to one who is not going to stick around. These can be hard decisions, but they are clear decisions.
The Need for Redemption
The Proverbs function in many ways similar to God’s law. God’s law lays out the standards he has for his people and by which they are to live. The Book of Proverbs reveals the way God has ordered the world and they way things generally, or eventually, pan out according to his pattern. Those who live wisely are blessed; those who live foolishly are punished. And so the wisdom called for is much like the call to obey God’s law, and as we study God’s intention we become aware of our failings and inadequacy. This writer spoke of such things,
And at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation (verses 11-14).
If you have messed up, there is still hope for you. Jesus Christ comes to make a way for sinners to be forgiven. To be cleansed of their mistakes and shortcomings, their indiscretions.
It is a prodigal son moment. You realize you left your father’s house for a pig sty, and the gift of faith and repentance is powerful. God doesn't just speak on Sinai and tell us what not to do. He comes into our lives as a servant to bring us out of the muck and mire, to wash and cleanse us and make us whole.
First Corinthians 6 talks about all kinds of sins, like greed, drunkenness, sexual immorality, and people like this not inheriting the kingdom of God, and then it says, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:11).
It's interesting to think about who wrote the Book of Proverbs. It is attributed to Solomon, the wisest man to ever live. Wise, but not necessarily faithful. He made some big mistakes in life and success got to him. He had over 700 wives and 300 concubines. He likely wrote the book of Ecclesiastes at the end of his life, in which he says all the worldly success is just chasing after the wind and what really matters is pleasing God. So he could be speaking from experience.
The Bible presents the love story of a husband pursuing his bride. It is God who is out to redeem his people. He created them, loved them, and when they turned away he continued after them. Their sins led them to the grave, right into death.
Talk to other believers who have found healing in Jesus. You will be surprised where people have come from. You’ll be surprised by those who were dead and in the grave but found new life.
I could give you a lot of examples, but one that comes to mind that struck me was when we had been in a church a while. We knew a family that had eight or nine kids. He was the prototypical straight-laced, goofy Sunday school-dad-joke-teller. She was a bubbly, super-compassionate lady who was always doing something for someone else. I thought these people were born in the church and had never left it. I was quite surprised when I found out that they came to Christ as adults. He had been in a homosexual relationship and she was a former prostitute. They came to Christ late in life, and it was amazing, the change of who they were. They found peace and healing in Jesus Christ and it changed their lives. T
hat is what the grace of God will do. When you know that his path is better than anything else, you are willing to give up everything else for his plan.
Discussion Questions
- What does this passage say is forbidden? What does that entail and what are the consequences of it?
- What is celebrated in this passage? What part of this celebration surprises you?
- What hope is there for those who have messed up? How does Christ redeem us from our mistakes?
